Still not quite sure why I always take "You don't look Vietnamese" as a compliment.
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It seems like an everyday occurance that I'll either say or think a Simpsons quote. I can't ever go to the soda machine at work and not quietly mutter under my breath "Mountain Dew or Crab Juice?"
So, why not apply the Simpsons to the otherwise boring story of my house hunt?
Homer: All right, we're here. Now let us never speak of the shortcut again.
The whole process went by relatively smoothly.......that or I've already repressed all the memories of the whole process.
Had plenty of arguments with the parents along the way. I suppose I appreciated the input since I know I'm way too easy going and trusting, whereas my Dad was high strung and treating everybody like a shady used car salesman.
Even though my parents were supposed to be hands off, it felt like I was constantly playing peacemaker between my Dad and my realtor. I had been recommended the same realtor by a couple friends, so I felt pretty solid knowing my friends wouldn't give me a bad recommendation.
Meanwhile my Dad constantly complained about how he didn't trust her, mostly because he didn't choose her nor was she Vietnamese.
Marge: The first house I have to show you is, ummm, a handyman's dream! [pause] Because it's so dilapidated. Hmmmmm.
Ned: Well, nothing's perfect. I'd sure hate to make you come out here, and not buy a house! [Ned reaches for his check book]
Maude: Now slow down, Neddy. The homebuyer's course said "always look inside the house before buying."
There was one house that my Dad was nagging me to check out. The listing only had one exterior photo which was hardly intriguing. And the seller had the caveat that nobody was allowed to come inside. Might just be me, but I might actually like to look inside a place before putting in a six figure bid.......despite that, my Dad still kept pressing me to go drive by, perhaps to confirm that the place did in fact have a roof and the picture wasn't photoshopped.
Homer: Let the bears pay the bear tax. I pay the Homer tax.
Lisa: That's home owner tax.
If I were to draw a graph of my perceived price range over time, it would have resembled the first thirty seconds of a rollercoaster. After looking at a few places, I started thinking I could aim higher. Then I started going through the actual paperwork and discovered exactly how much it would cost every month...
Meanwhile, my parents did the opposite. I remember emailing a listing to my Dad to get some feedback. Without saying anything about the house, he just said that I couldn't possibly afford it without finding a rich divorcee from Del Mar.
A month later, he emails me a listing for a house on the same street with the same exact floorplan and says "This one looks pretty good." And this listing was more expensive than the previous one.
Homer: Aagh! Pink? Marge, I can't wear a pink shirt to work. Everybody wears white shirts. I'm not popular enough to be different..."
About a week after the Vegas hockey tournament (ie, last time I bothered to update the blog), I saw six houses in one day which was a bit of a sensory overload. The first five places were fairly craptactular, but we were pleasantly surprised by the last place.
It came to be known as the Pink Room house. Location was good, price was relatively good, and the house was in phenomenal shape despite being older than I had been aiming. But the master bedroom/bathroom had Pepto Bismol-esque pink walls.
It came onto market on a Friday and we saw it on Saturday. Had an offer in by Saturday night, got a counteroffer on Sunday which was then accepted. By Monday, we were told that they were going with another offer. My head was spinning to say the least. They did tell us that we were the 'backup' offer which at that point felt as good as a girl telling me "I think you're a really nice guy."
A few weeks later, I was in a pretty crummy mood at work. By this point, my Dad was calling me seemingly like three times a day to complain about me, the house hunt, my realtor, the quality of canned corn, etc. I was about ready to head out the door for hockey when my realtor called and opened with "Good news."
The initial buyers backed out for unknown reasons, so the ball was in our court. That alone was a much needed shot of euphoria, although I did not know I was only on step 3 of 107 at the time.
Homer: Stupid Sexy Flanders
Early in January, I saw a house on Flanders Drive which was pretty damned awesome. Four bedrooms, three full bathrooms, enormous living room, and an auxiliary living room (aka mancave). If I was renting out the other three rooms, I could basically be autonomous to the rest of the house with the master bedroom and mancave.
Unfortunately I was hardly alone in liking the place. We put in an offer, but instead of getting a counteroffer or even a polite "thanks, but no thanks", the selling agent seemingly went out of his way to tell us that our offer was nowhere in the ballpark.
I really liked the place, so I upped the initial offer hoping to induce at least a counteroffer but once again the selling agent gave us the same treatment.
Pretty much gave up, but couldn't help but notice that it came back onto the market a couple times. Then while we were in escrow with the Pink Room house, I get a phone call from my realtor.
The gist was that the Flanders place was back on the market again, but this time the selling agent actively called us and said that the place was ours if increased our offer by a reasonable amount. So we had to decide pretty quickly which avenue to pursue.
Put in a revised offer for the Flanders house while also trying to figure out if I was legally obligated to the Pink Room house. The latter caused quite an argument between myself and the Dad. My Dad apparently stormed out of the house in Saugus out of anger after I suggested he was thinking ten steps too far and that I didn't trust that selling agent one iota.
And naturally the selling agent informed us that they were going with a different offer. Surprisingly my Dad never said "You know son, you were right, and my temper tantrum proved to be over nothing."
....and then out of curiosity, I just looked up what became of the Flanders house. Apparently it went back on the market a third time and they ended up selling it for 7K less than my final offer.
Let's have a slow clap for the selling agent!
(Although I have to assume that the home inspectors found some gnarly things wrong with that house to cause people to back out three separate times, so I might have dodged a bullet.)
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So we proceeded with the Pink Room house. The next part was hiring an inspector and making of list of things that we needed the seller to fix before we agreed to it.
One item need eventual upgrade was the upstairs railing since a child's head could fit through the opening between bars. We all agreed that it could be deferred, but I did enjoy my Dad sending a reply all email with "We do not expect Don to have children in this property."
I guess I shouldn't have taken offense, since the idea is that I have this place for a handful of years, hopefully sell for a profit, and then get a new place when I'm ready to start a family. But I could help but chuckle and thinks "Thanks for the vote of confidence."
Seemed like an eternity, but a few weeks later all the paperwork was done and I had the keys. I couldn't move in immediately since my Dad requested that I move in at a certain time on a particular date. Why?
"My aunt in Vietnam is a really good fortune teller."
Just because I didn't want to extend the conversation to the point where I'd find out I'd need to sacrifice a goat, I quietly complied and changed the subject.
Felt awesome to walk in the first time without being accompanied by my realtor, although it wasn't exactly like how I had pictured it in my head.
So because of some great-aunt I've never met, I couldn't move in until after 8pm. So it was dark and I didn't have lights in all the rooms. I had always envisioned sharing the experience with a pregnant wife and possibly a golden retriever by my side.....taking a sunny photo by the "
Homer: Wow! A houseboat, you know the great thing is if you don't like your neighbors you can just pull up the anchor and sail someplace else. (all the nearby boats leave)
Found it amusing that my next door neighbors moved out almost precisely as I moved in. Coincidence.....I think.
Homer: Do you come with the car?
Model: (giggles) Oh, you.
next man: Do you come with the car?
Model: (giggles) Oh, you.
First on my list of things to buy was a nice sofa. I cringe to think of the couch we had in our Del Mar apartment back in 2003......I think the story went that my old roommate found it somewhere in Ocean Beach. And then the sofa we had in Mira Mesa (which we gave to other friends who apparently are leaving it for another group I know) dated back at least 10 years through various hockey friends. So I figured I'd splurge and get a new couch.
When I went up to Seattle, the friends I crashed with had a nice sofa with a chaise sectional and I pretty much decided then that I'd be getting a similar one. Visited a handful of stores before finding the one I liked. I would have bought it regardless, but the saleswoman being pretty cute wasn't a detractor. If I were more smooth, I could have convinced her to use her commission to go with me to the Toad the Wet Sprocket show.
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It's been almost exactly two months now that I've been here. Aside from the couch, I didn't load up on furniture knowing my friends would be bringing theirs eventually. Helped them move in most of their stuff yesterday and it seems like we're running out of space.
As a thank you for helping them move, I was taken to Sizzler......if only for the novelty of singing "We goin' Sizzler, we goin' Sizzler."
Circa 1988, I remember waiting in line for 45 minutes to order at the Sizzler in Canyon Country. Sometimes I wonder if their downfall was caused by a bad business plan, an oversaturated marketplace, or White Men Can't Jump.
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I had a rough draft of this post written about a month ago. But what happens when I didn't bother finishing? This section went from "Awesome, the Devils won the division again" to "WTF?"
Wrote up a fairly lengthy eulogy, but I figure I'll spare everybody from the jelly smashing horror.
But for shits and giggles, let's tackle a question that's frequently posed to me by non-hockey friends: How on Earth did you end up a hockey fan?
I took one sociology class while I was at UCSD
After looking back, there was a pretty specific sequence of events that turned me into a hockey fan and eventually fanatic.
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We moved up to Saugus in 1987 when I was six and was at an age where I could begin to grasp baseball and basketball. My first memories were of the Kirk Gibson home run and the Lakers winning back-to-back titles. I was pretty spoiled to say the least. Just imagine if I had grown up in a town with mediocre teams, perhaps I would have taken up poetry.
Wayne Gretzky got traded to the Kings in August of 1988, which put hockey on the radar (sorta) even in our household. I also started to understand the game with the help of NES Ice Hockey after getting my Nintendo ~1989.
The Kings quickly improved but weren't able to have much playoff success. I remember listening to a Kings/Flames overtime game during the 1990 playoffs on the radio during a long car ride home. Got home just in time to turn on the TV and see Mike Krushelnyski score on a freak shot to win.
Hockey was still a distant fourth behind baseball, basketball, and football at that time. But it was gradually climbing my interest level. Gretzky even had a short lived Saturday morning cartoon show with Michael Jordan and Bo Jackson.
Pivotal moment #1: Magic Johnson tests positive for HIV and abruptly retires in November 1991.
At the time, I was too young to fully grasp what HIV was but the bottom line was that Magic Johnson wasn't going to play again.
This was more or less was the end of the Showtime era Lakers. After that, I had to endure the mediocre years when the pre-Shaq/Kobe Lakers had Vlade Divac, Elden Campbell, Sedale Threatt, Anthony Peeler, Eddie Jones, Nick Van Exel, and Cedric Ceballos. My interest in basketball quickly waned and really never recovered.
Pivotal moment #2: The LA Kings make a Cinderella run to the Stanley Cup Finals in June 1993.
This was bandwagon hopping time.....which was permissable since I was still only 11. I have zero recollection of the opening series against Calgary. Only have vague memories of the Vancouver series. Even the Conference Finals against Toronto, the only indelible memory was Gretzky scoring a hat trick in the deciding game 7. The Kings would fall short against Montreal, but the important thing was that everybody was talking about hockey.
Pivotal moment #3: Major League Baseball goes on strike in August 1994.
Baseball was still my favorite sport up to this point. After the 1988 World Series, I didn't have a particular interest in the Dodgers. My favorite player was Chili Davis who was on the Angels until being traded to Minnesota in 1991. Decided to "become" a Twins fan at that point and I was rewarded with another memorable World Series.
(On a side note, I just remembered that my Dad took me and my cousin to a Twins/Angels game in June 1992. He even took the day off to drive us down to Anaheim. And he said I never liked baseball. This day was also of other importance since that was the first time I played Street Fighter II in some arcade in Little Saigon. "Don didn't like baseball" my ass.)
Davis would resign with the
Then the strike happened. As a 12/13 year old, I was oblivious to the financial side of the games. So I wasn't really able to comprehend why baseball decided to cancel its postseason. I remember one writer who penned an article with his fictional account on how the season ended. Basically answering the question of whether Montreal could win the World Series, could Matt Williams break Roger Maris' home run record, and would Tony Gwynn be the first since Ted Williams to hit .400.
Most people note that interest in baseball dipped when they came back in 1995 and I was one of them. Baseball would regain the spotlight in 1998 with the Sosa/McGwire home run chase. I'd get back into it in 1996 but as a converted Padre fan thanks to Ken Caminiti. But the damage was done.
Pivotal moment #4: The Rams and Raiders both leave Los Angeles in 1995.
The baseball strike was one thing, but combo that with TWO NFL teams moving elsewhere? From that point on, football really was on the backburner until after I graduated college.
When I started UCSD in 1998, I intended to get into football then but was quickly swamped by schoolwork. I suppose it's a fortunate thing that the Padres and Chargers weren't really worth watching while I was in school; I barely graduated on time as is.
Pivotal moment #5: Kings miss the playoffs in 1994, Devils fill the void and win the Cup in 1995.
The Kings slumped badly following their improable Finals appearance. They made a couple bad moves (outlined in more detail below) and missed the playoffs by a wide margin.
The other "cool" kids I was trying to fit in with all had picked other teams to cheer for, with the majority throwing their loyalties to the Sharks. Just to be different, I ended up going with the Devils for no good reason other than their clever logo.
I was probably too angered by the baseball strike to really remember the 94-95 NHL strike. But I suppose the NHL didn't cancel their entire season, so before I knew it was the playoffs. The Kings missed the playoffs again. And I had to cheer for the Devils or else appear like some no good frontrunner.
The Devils had a mediocre season but managed to win the Cup as a #5 seed. Despite being a heavy underdog in the Finals, the Devils swept the Red Wings. It probably was an added bonus that my sister's then boyfriend was a big Red Wings fan.
So the equation of: Devils championship + mediocre Lakers team + baseball strike + Raiders/Rams bailing = hockey fanatic
But there was a small window that the Kings could have easily won me back as a fan in 1995. But let's go over how the Kings turned their Western Conference championship roster into a flaming bag of dog poop in three short years:
Not even two months removed from the Cup Finals appearance, McSorley signed a 5 year, 10 million dollar offer sheet with the St. Louis Blues. The Kings matched the offer but ownership decided they couldn't afford to pay the contract, so they shipped him to Pittsburgh for McEachern who was only 23 and coming off an impressive rookie year where he potted 28 goals and 64 points.
So in theory it wasn't a bad idea since McEachern was a nice shot of youth into an otherwise older set of forwards....
So after half a season, the Kings decided that McEachern didn't fit and they desperately needed McSorley back. But they couldn't do a straight reset on the original trade and instead also included one of my favorite players in Sandstrom for a Korean born defenseman?
(my 10th grade English teacher was from Pennsylvania and often would tell me how awesome Paek was when the Pens won their Cups)
At the time, I liked Sandstrom might have been my favorite player not named Gretzky. Sandstrom was 2nd on the team behind Gretzky in points during the previous playoffs. Paek would play 18 games for the Kings and would be out of the NHL shortly thereafter. Sandstrom would put together a couple more productive seasons for the Pens.
Allegedly, Sandstrom had been threatening to go back to Sweden, so that might have hampered the Kings from getting proper value.
But even the 12 year old version of myself knew those two trades didn't exactly add up. That was like trading lunches with somebody, then realizing you had been bamboozled to the point where you were offering the other person $3 to trade back.
Gretzky and Robitaille allegedly did not get along at all. Gretzky and Tocchet had a pre-existing friendship (which later would get them into some hot water). Vaguely remember a story that Gretzky and Tocchet were at a mutual friend's wedding and Gretzky told him that the Kings were going to trade for him....possibly a euphemism for Gretzky forcing management's hand into trading a guy he didn't like for somebody he could hang out with on the road.
Robtaille was barely a year removed from setting the record for most goals/points scored by a LW (the goals record wasn't broken until Ovechkin's 2007/08 season). Tocchet also had an awesome 1992-93 season, posting 48 goals and 109 points but had an injury riddled 1993-94 season while also being two years older than Robitaille.
In the lockout shortened 94-95 season, Tocchet led the Kings in goals but with a paltry total of 18.
When you trim the fat, the trade was Zhitnik for Fuhr/Boucher. When the Kings made the Cup Finals, they had a young D core consisting of a 23 year old Rob Blake, a 20 year old Alexei Zhitnik, and a 20 year old Darryl Sydor. That was the kind of D that most teams would love to keep together for the next decade.
But with the Kings struggling yet again, goalie Kelly Hrudey became the scapegoat. When in doubt, the answer was to acquire one of Gretzky's buddies from his glory days in Edmonton. In this case, goalie Grant Fuhr who had his #1 spot in Buffalo usurped by Dominik Hasek.
Allegedly, a young and wealthy Zhitnik came into trouble with the Russian mob in LA. I've read unsubstantiated stories that Zhitnik was almost dropped off a bridge. So perhaps the Kings were doing him a favor by getting him out of there and sending him to western New York.
Zhitnik had two full NHL seasons under his belt with 48 and 52 points. So it wasn't surprising that he had a productive ten year tenure with the Sabres.
Meanwhile, Fuhr immediately crapped the bed upon arriving in LA. In 14 games, he posted a GAA of 4.04 and a save percentage of .876. Possibly remotivated by the trade, Kelly Hrudey immediately started playing better and finished the season as the #1. The Kings missed the playoffs by one point, no doubt hampered by Fuhr's 1-7-1 record in net.
Fuhr was let go after that season and landed with St. Louis where he'd
Phillipe Boucher was the proverbial bubble player who could never quite find a permanent spot on the Kings blueline. In 2001-02, he finally had a breakout season. Unfortunately for the Kings, Boucher was able to take advantage of a free agency loophole and immediately sign with Dallas.
In 1993, the Ottawa Senators ownership alluded to tanking on purpose so they could draft Alexandre Daigle with the first overall pick. This led to the NHL to establish the draft lottery which was instituted for the first time in 1995.
Originally, the Kings were set to select 7th overall. But thanks to the lottery, they got moved up to 3rd overall.
The consensus was that the top 3 players were all D: Bryan Berard, Wade Redden, and Aki Berg. Berard was drafted by Ottawa, Redden by the Islanders--when Berard refused to sign with the Senators, he was swapped for Redden a year later--leaving Berg to the Kings.
It's a rare breed (see: Drew Doughty) to see a defenseman jump immediately into the NHL and not have it hamper their development. The Kings thrust Berg into the deep end of the pool and essentially drowned.
(We went to a Kings' sponsored hockey tourney at their practice facility in El Segundo. The rink was adorned with large banners of past players. Couldn't help but think it's about time they took down Berg's.)
In 2001, the Kings would eventually cut bait with Berg and get a draft pick in return. Luckily for LA, they turned that draft pick into Michael Cammalleri.
Stevens was a late round pick of the Kings way back in 1983. But less than three months after being drafted, the Kings shipped him to Pittsburgh.
Stevens would then put up some gaudy numbers playing alongside Mario Lemieux, Jaromir Jagr, and Ron Francis in the early 90s. Stevens had four straight years of at least 40 goals prior to the lockout year, so he stood to get a substantial raise. Not being able to meet his contract demands (and likely realizing his numbers were inflated), Pittsburgh dealt the Massachusetts native to Boston. The Bruins would proceed to sign Stevens to a huge 5 year, 25 million dollar deal.
After acquiring Tocchet for Robitaille, the Kings soon realized they were lacking punch off the left wing. So they swapped Tocchet for Stevens.
Somehow they didn't think it was a GIANT RED FLAG that Boston was more than willing to deal Stevens four months after signing a five year deal.
(I distinctly remember being in Little Saigon reading the L.A. Times recap of the deal and thinking "...Stevens is better than Tocchet, right?")
Stevens had an awful season and a half as an LA King. The Kings were later able to hoodwink the Rangers into giving them back Robtaille for Stevens, a move which helped LA into the new millenium.
After showing some promise early in his career, Sydor had begun to get booed every time he touched the puck. The Kings decided that it was a wise decision to not stay the course and instead deal the 23 year old Sydor, who'd average 42 points over seven full seasons in Dallas.
And what did the Kings get? Zmolek was an injury prone stay at home defenseman who would be out of the NHL before he turned 30. Churla was a well liked enforcer.....who played 11 games in LA before being traded again.
So between two young studs in Zhitnik and Sydor, the Kings basically got nothing in return.
This was basically the straw that broke the camel's back in terms of me ever choosing the Kings over the Devils.
LA was in the uneviable position where they knew Gretzky was going to leave via free agency so they had to get something for him. The team was going through ownership changes and apparently bungled the negotiation.
While Gretzky's stay in St. Louis was short and only remembered for the ugly jersey numbers and Steve Yzerman blasting a shot past Jon Casey to beat them in double overtime in game 7, the Kings again managed to get a paltry amount for the most iconic player in hockey history.
Craig Johnson was a reasonable role player but never matched his 17 goal, 38 point campaign in his first full season with the Kings. Sadly he was the most productive part of the trade.
Roman Vopat was projected to be something similar to what Michal Handzus is today. The Kings possibly thought it was a cute marketing ploy since they had acquired Jan Vopat (older brother) the previous season. But neither Vopat brother panned out and both were out of the NHL before the new millenium.
Patrice Tardif was a filler body and never played in the NHL after the 95-96 season.
The first round choice in 1997 was the last hope. The 1997 Draft was supposed to be deep and the Kings possessed the 3rd and 29th picks to go along with the Blues pick which was 15th overall.
The Kings went with 6'3 center Olli Jokinen 3rd overall whom they'd give the Aki Berg treatment and rush into the NHL before he was ready. At number 29, they drafted 6'4 right wing Scott Barney who showed some promise before suffering a debilitating back injury which derailed his NHL potential.
With the St. Louis pick, the drafted 6'4 left winger Matt Zultek. The team would later brag about the potential of a Zultek-Jokinen-Barney power forward line.
But Zultek never developed offensively and the Kings didn't even bother to sign him. So for Wayne Gretzky, the Kings ended up with a few years of Craig Johnson.
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Vegas trip planned for Memorial Day weekend, current theme seemingly "Why aren't any of my friends fans of The Beatles?"
Save me Jebus.
